Stain to Remember

During the Summer, Ange and I went to Madrid 😀 It was a truly amazing experience and we have many stories from our trip! This one is about a little incident that took place in the airport in Madrid.

Our flight back to New York (concrete jungle where dreams are made of. There’s nothing you can’t do) was delayed by about 5 hours so we had alot of time to idle around in the airport. We used the internet for a bit, shopped around for wine and souvenirs, ate and played a Mexican card game that involved trying to slap the cards before everyone else…..the Priest who played with us was very violent!

When we found out which gate our flight was at, we picked up our stuff and slowly made our way there. You know those thingys at airports that move like treadmills? When you’re running late, you go on it and walk so that you cover more distance in a shorter time. Well the two of us and a friend went on it, but we didn’t walk….we just stood there. Now I haven’t been in many airports so I don’t know if the pace it was moving at was normal, but I found it to be SLOW!!!! Several persons passed us and we didn’t even care. We probably spent about 5 minutes on that thing, and for 5 minutes, I leaned up against the handle (do you call it a handle? or a railing? whatever, you know what I mean). For all of you who think that 5 minutes isn’t long, sit and do nothing for 5 minutes and you’ll see how your life passes you by.

Because of my height, part of my bum was on the handle (?) and the other part was against the glass. Now the glass didn’t move with the handle so it was as if the part where glass met the handle (?) was rubbing against me. I was fully aware of all of this but I was tired and I just wanted to get to New York (concrete jungle where dreams are made of. There’s nothing you can’t do). After our lives passed us by,we got off the treadmill (? these things should have proper names) and I walked ahead…and then it happened…

Yvonne (our friend) – Lee-Ann, is that your pants? *looks and sounds utterly shocked*

(I bought that pants in Madrid and it was my first time wearing it. It was a very light grey)

Ange – *dies of laughter*

Me – Yeah it is. *totally confused*

Yvonne – What happened? You have a big stain on your bum!!!

Ange – *DIES OF LAUGHTER*

I contorted myself and looked at the back of my pants only to see the nastiest, duttiest (yes pple, duttiest as in dirtiest) stain on my ass. It was most embarrassing. It looked like if someone crapped on my pants in a thin line and then rubbed in it and left it to dry for a few days in the Madrid heat. There was no way to hide it and because my pants was a light colour, the stain was obvious!!!! The only good thing was that the stain on the other side wasn’t as prominent 😀 Since I’m a pretty chilled person, I didn’t let it get to me. Life is too short to worry about shit stains on your ass. The three of us and a good laugh (especially Ange) and we went on our way. I only felt a little awkward when a Seminarian pointed it out to me…”Lee-Ann, you have a stain on your butt. You have a stain on your butt!!” I had heard him the first time. I also felt a bit embarrassed when I came back to Toronto and went to a friend’s place to get my room keys. I hadn’t showered in almost two days, my hair looked like an alien, I was 15 complexions darker and I was sporting the stain! I still sat on his couch though 😀

It’s been almost three months since that happened and you can still see the stain even though I soaked it in Resolve stain remover and washed it. It’s alot lighter, but it’s still there. I wear it to sleep. I’m wearing it now.

So that was one of the many stories I have from my Summer trip. Next time, I’ll tell you guys about how airports don’t like me.

 

Love,

Lee 😀

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Trini Phrases – Lesson 2

Well friends, it’s about that time again! Let the class begin!

How tings? – How are things? A greeting.

Fall out – To get annoyed with someone. To stop speaking to someone.

Buh wait nah! – But wait a minute!

Pissin’ drunk – Inebriated enough to urinate on your own shoes.

Yuh know what t’ought make a man do? – Unsure thoughts can lead to disaster. Answer to question – Mess his pants. He thought he was passing gas!

 

Love, Lee

 

Is This Right?

I volunteer every Friday evening at a nearby Parish. They have an After-School Program (ASP) where children in Grades 4-6 go and get help with their homework, or they’re assigned worksheets to do if they don’t have homework. Last year, the girls I helped said their teacher never gave them homework on Fridays. I wish I had their teacher…right now…for all my courses….

Today was the first Friday of ASP and one of the Grade 5 boys came in with his homework which was to list 15-20 types of beer, 15-20 types of wine and 15-20 types on spirits/hard liquor. I wasn’t sure what to do. Should I start listing out beers? If I do, he’ll know that I know about beer and he might tell the Nun on me and then I’ll feel guilty. If I tell him about hard liquor, well, that’s even worse! What are spirits? I only drink red wine so I can’t help him with that one.

Since I’m such a wonderful, helpful volunteer, I gave him the help he needed (he knew absolutely NOTHING about any of them). I called out booze for him to write down and it didn’t feel as bad as I thought it would. It was actually funny! Next week, he has to write down the negative effects of alcohol. Hopefully, over the next 7 days he doesn’t try any booze…more importantly, he doesn’t try any and blame me!!!

Love, Lee

Weekend Adventure

Over the weekend, Ange, Esther and I went dancing for a friend’s birthday. O, what a night (late December back in ’63)! In my mind, the evening took place in 6 parts. It might be a bit too much for some of you who can’t read properly, so take it 3 parts at a time if you want. Lol.

Pat 1 – We all sat in Ange’s living room (I was already dressed) for about an hour. During this time, it was decided that I need to get a boyfriend who has a car. Ange’s exact words were something along the lines of, “Lee-Ann, yuh need tuh hurry up and get ah man wit ah car!” Taking the TTC (Toronto Transit Commission) at night sucks! That brings us to part 2.

Part 2 – We walked through freezing rain (little, fragile pieces of ice falling…not water) to get to the bus stop. While waiting on the second bus, it got colder and the rain slowly began to turn into snow. To make matters worse, the wind was ridiculous! I kept thinking, ‘tonight better be good!’. It’s Carnival time back home in Trinidad so all my friends are partying and dancing and having a great time! I’m in Canada. It’s Winter. I needed that night to be fantastic! The bus eventually came and we got to the subway station safely. On the subway, we had out first encounter (not aliens…although we did see one!)

Part 3 – So the three of us are sitting on the subway, minding our own business, waiting for it to leave the station, when a man sat opposite us and said, “Hello ladies.”. We replied and said ‘hi’ in a very unenthusiastic way. Ange’s and Esther’s heads automatically turned to the right…the guy was on their left. So that left yours truly (me) for him to talk to. He asked where we were going so I said home, and I looked away (he obviously didn’t have a car so i lost all interest). He said ‘oh okay, we’re going to Aura, Club Aura. What’s Home like? (I immediately looked at him to see if he was seriously asking me this) I’ve never been to Home before.” And he was serious about it. He honestly thought that ‘home’ was a club. I looked at him and said, “Home as in….where we live.” I made sure that I emphasized those words. He said ‘oh’ and he looked up and then to the side, “I knew that.” The conversation finished and he left about 8 seconds after that.

We got off at our stop and walked through a mini ice blizzard to get to the club.

Part 4 – We got to the club and just waltzed in. No one asked for i.d., we didn’t pay to get in, the coat check guy was cute (maybe he had a car!), our hands were stamped and we began our night of dancing! The music was a great selection of old Reggae, Hip Hop, Soca (which my waist and I thoroughly enjoyed :-)), and then there were old classics like Tina Turner – What’s Love Got To Do With It, Marvin Gaye – Let’s Stay Together, and all the songs I used to think BORING when I was a kid growing up. They even played the Fresh Prince song! At one point (the 2nd encounter), this guy started talking to me about how tall I am (as if I didn’t know I was tall) and comparing our heights. After his speech, half of which I didn’t hear, I said ‘okay’ and turned around to see Ange’s reaction. Ange, my faithful partner in crime, was NOWHERE to be seen. Whenever something is too funny, Ange has to leave! I assumed that was why she disappeared. When she came back, she looked at me and started laughing uncontrollably and then I started laughing! During this, the guy was still standing in our little circle. I tried my best not to look at him. It was bad.

Part 5 – When we left, there was a thick layer of snow outside. We literally ran to the subway station, got the last train and got on the bus. On the bus, we had our 3rd encounter. We got the bus after 2 in the morning so it was pretty empty. Of ALLLLLL the empty seats on this bus, the smelly, crazy, homeless guy decides to sit in the row I was sitting in (he could have had a Mercedes and 50 million dollars, I would not have cared). There were three seats in that row – I was in one, the guy’s bag of clothes was next to me and he was next to the bag. So we’re driving along and everything’s fine and normal and smart me decides to steal a look at him to see if he was wearing his shades (how lame am i?). I glanced at him only to see him looking at me in the corner of his eye! Creepy!!!! I guess he took that as his que to start talking to me. When I refused to give him my real name, he begged me for a fake one. How does that make any sense? He also wanted to introduce his friends to my friends (Ange and Esther) but to do that, he felt as if he had to get to know me first. He got off the bus, thank God, and we were left in peace! Ange said she was ready to punch him if he had touched me. 😀

Part 6 – An elderly man got off the bus when we got off and he said, “Where allyuh girls comin from dis hour ah de mornin?” Hehe. He told us that is wife is going to beat him because he’s coming home so late, he was limin in a massage parlor, his wife probably has a man on the side (maybe he has a car), guys who hail us out are full of shit so don’t talk to them. He was a kind old man. He got to his place before us so the three of us trekked on through the snow and violent winds. That was the end of our night! The music was worth every minute of that adventure!

Life is full of surprises! You never know how a night is going to turn out.

Love, Lee.

P.S. – here’s the alien that we saw all over! He doesn’t have a belly button.

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