It’s Only Water. Calm Down.

Every time I go to an airport, something always happens to me at the security point…you know the one where you have to take off your belt and shoes? Right there. I hate having to do that, so I stopped wearing belts and shoes. I can understand why one has to take them off though. Belts have metal in them and they’ll set of the detector. Shoes…do shoes have metal in them? Are the rings around holes for the laces metal? Anyways, I’ve thought a lot about what is mostly the cause of me being sent out of the security area and I figured it out! It’s my trusty bottle of water. I carry that bottle everywhere I go. To classes, to weekly Mass, to Sunday Mass, to the mall, to the grocery, downtown, to the bathroom (kidding…or am i?), to volunteering, job interviews, to the airport. Many times I’ve had to go back and empty the bottle, sometimes I can just drink it right there. The two most recent instances of that happening were a bit colourful.

Last Summer, I flew from JFK to Madrid, then I took a connecting flight to Lisbon.We had to get off the plane, go through Immigration, then go to the Gate to catch the Lisbon flight. It was a lot of running around, so I stuffed my bottle of water in my sleeping bag and totally forgot about it! We got to the security check point and I was one of the first in our large group to get there. We were on a schedule (I love schedules) and we needed to catch out connecting flight to Lisbon! So I sent my sleeping bag through the scanner and the guard asked whose it was. At first, I had no idea what she was saying because she was speaking in Spanish…well…I shouldn’t say ‘at first’ cuz to this day, I still don’t know exactly what she said. A Priest translated for me. Basically, I couldn’t take my water past that point and I couldn’t empty it in the bathroom that was RIGHT THERE. Nooooo, I had to go back through the scanner with allllllllllll my luggage, find the bathroom downstairs (all signs in Spanish), empty my bottle there, then go through the whole process of lining up to send my luggage through the scanner again. I did not go back by that woman! I was the last in our group to get through that point and two priests were waiting on me (I knew neither of them).

The second incidence happened in New Jersey. I was barely on time for my flight and I got held up at security for a nail clipper in my purse. While searching my bag, the security guard saw my bottle of water and said that I can’t take it past that point. The bottle was like….1/3 filled with water. I told him I’ll just drink it because I didn’t have time to put my jacket & shoes on (it was Winter so I had to wear shoes) and then join the line all over again! And plus, the ‘safe’ place to drink it was no more than 10 metres away. I’m sure there are people who could spit from where I was standing, to where he wanted me to go to drink the water. WATER. He said “NO!!! If you drink that here, they will see you and they will kill you! They’ll kill me too and I dunno ’bout you, but I don’t feel like dying any time soon. They have cameras EVERYWHERE!” I said ok, Sir. I went outside the security area in my socks, drank my water, skipped the line (this guard was like…you can’t just leave like that! I saw you leave! blah blah blah) and went through the scanner again. You know what, he let me keep the nail clipper. Steups. All a waste of my time.

Next time I fly somewhere, I’m definitely making sure  I follow the people rules and go with an empty bottle. I’ll just fill it up again after the security point 😀

Love,
Lee

Stain to Remember

During the Summer, Ange and I went to Madrid 😀 It was a truly amazing experience and we have many stories from our trip! This one is about a little incident that took place in the airport in Madrid.

Our flight back to New York (concrete jungle where dreams are made of. There’s nothing you can’t do) was delayed by about 5 hours so we had alot of time to idle around in the airport. We used the internet for a bit, shopped around for wine and souvenirs, ate and played a Mexican card game that involved trying to slap the cards before everyone else…..the Priest who played with us was very violent!

When we found out which gate our flight was at, we picked up our stuff and slowly made our way there. You know those thingys at airports that move like treadmills? When you’re running late, you go on it and walk so that you cover more distance in a shorter time. Well the two of us and a friend went on it, but we didn’t walk….we just stood there. Now I haven’t been in many airports so I don’t know if the pace it was moving at was normal, but I found it to be SLOW!!!! Several persons passed us and we didn’t even care. We probably spent about 5 minutes on that thing, and for 5 minutes, I leaned up against the handle (do you call it a handle? or a railing? whatever, you know what I mean). For all of you who think that 5 minutes isn’t long, sit and do nothing for 5 minutes and you’ll see how your life passes you by.

Because of my height, part of my bum was on the handle (?) and the other part was against the glass. Now the glass didn’t move with the handle so it was as if the part where glass met the handle (?) was rubbing against me. I was fully aware of all of this but I was tired and I just wanted to get to New York (concrete jungle where dreams are made of. There’s nothing you can’t do). After our lives passed us by,we got off the treadmill (? these things should have proper names) and I walked ahead…and then it happened…

Yvonne (our friend) – Lee-Ann, is that your pants? *looks and sounds utterly shocked*

(I bought that pants in Madrid and it was my first time wearing it. It was a very light grey)

Ange – *dies of laughter*

Me – Yeah it is. *totally confused*

Yvonne – What happened? You have a big stain on your bum!!!

Ange – *DIES OF LAUGHTER*

I contorted myself and looked at the back of my pants only to see the nastiest, duttiest (yes pple, duttiest as in dirtiest) stain on my ass. It was most embarrassing. It looked like if someone crapped on my pants in a thin line and then rubbed in it and left it to dry for a few days in the Madrid heat. There was no way to hide it and because my pants was a light colour, the stain was obvious!!!! The only good thing was that the stain on the other side wasn’t as prominent 😀 Since I’m a pretty chilled person, I didn’t let it get to me. Life is too short to worry about shit stains on your ass. The three of us and a good laugh (especially Ange) and we went on our way. I only felt a little awkward when a Seminarian pointed it out to me…”Lee-Ann, you have a stain on your butt. You have a stain on your butt!!” I had heard him the first time. I also felt a bit embarrassed when I came back to Toronto and went to a friend’s place to get my room keys. I hadn’t showered in almost two days, my hair looked like an alien, I was 15 complexions darker and I was sporting the stain! I still sat on his couch though 😀

It’s been almost three months since that happened and you can still see the stain even though I soaked it in Resolve stain remover and washed it. It’s alot lighter, but it’s still there. I wear it to sleep. I’m wearing it now.

So that was one of the many stories I have from my Summer trip. Next time, I’ll tell you guys about how airports don’t like me.

 

Love,

Lee 😀

Trini Phrases – Lesson 2

Well friends, it’s about that time again! Let the class begin!

How tings? – How are things? A greeting.

Fall out – To get annoyed with someone. To stop speaking to someone.

Buh wait nah! – But wait a minute!

Pissin’ drunk – Inebriated enough to urinate on your own shoes.

Yuh know what t’ought make a man do? – Unsure thoughts can lead to disaster. Answer to question – Mess his pants. He thought he was passing gas!

 

Love, Lee

 

Trini Phrases – Lesson 1

Alot of people tell me that they love my Trini accent and some even try (hopelessly) to imitate it. Props to all of you! I have a book called Cote ci Cote la and it’s filled with Trini phrases and their meanings. It’s basically a Trini dictionary. I decided to post a couple words/phrases every now-and-then so that people can educate themselves a bit…..and also get a GOOD laugh!

River Lime – A riverbank cookout. Curried duck, rum, and beastly cold water for the hardy ones.

Use up – To waste or abuse. Yuh well use up mih sweet soap an’ mih toot’pas’e.

Fnughnn! (blow your nostrils while making a high-pitched sound) An expression used when a foul or stink scent assails the nostrils.

Use yuh kidneys – Use your brains.

Rain doh fall up – Some things can only end in disaster.

Well people, that’s it for today’s lesson. Stay tuned for more words and phrases!!!

Love, Lee

Which Side?

This past Saturday I went to a piano store and it was the best store I ever walked into. There were several isles of shiny pianos and most of them were Yamaha. I’m a Yamaha girl. I refuse to buy an instrument that’s not Yamaha and it’s not my fault. I blame Alicia Keys and society….she uses Yamaha pianos and they’re always showing it on tv!

A few minutes after I entered, some movers came to transport a piano and they were going in and out and in and out of the store. So there I was, minding my own business when I heard someone behind me say somewhat loudly, “Excuse me, watch your backside please. We’re coming through.” I said sorry and moved to the side THEN I realized what he had said – watch your backside. I felt weird….as if he was paying attention to my backside or as if he was angry at me for some reason. The funny part is that he didn’t mean it in an insulting way. He was just saying whatever came to mind and he didn’t care. He reminds me of me! 😀

When I was leaving, I told the owner it was nice to meet him and the mover guy was passing at that moment. For some reason, he thought I was talking to him so he looked at me and said with a big smile, “It was nice to meet you too!” I smiled at him and immediately got my backside out of that store.

 

Love, Lee

Is This Right?

I volunteer every Friday evening at a nearby Parish. They have an After-School Program (ASP) where children in Grades 4-6 go and get help with their homework, or they’re assigned worksheets to do if they don’t have homework. Last year, the girls I helped said their teacher never gave them homework on Fridays. I wish I had their teacher…right now…for all my courses….

Today was the first Friday of ASP and one of the Grade 5 boys came in with his homework which was to list 15-20 types of beer, 15-20 types of wine and 15-20 types on spirits/hard liquor. I wasn’t sure what to do. Should I start listing out beers? If I do, he’ll know that I know about beer and he might tell the Nun on me and then I’ll feel guilty. If I tell him about hard liquor, well, that’s even worse! What are spirits? I only drink red wine so I can’t help him with that one.

Since I’m such a wonderful, helpful volunteer, I gave him the help he needed (he knew absolutely NOTHING about any of them). I called out booze for him to write down and it didn’t feel as bad as I thought it would. It was actually funny! Next week, he has to write down the negative effects of alcohol. Hopefully, over the next 7 days he doesn’t try any booze…more importantly, he doesn’t try any and blame me!!!

Love, Lee

You know you’re on a pilgrimage with over 300 other pple for 30 days when….

1) A long line to use the women’s bathroom is expected…every other girl needs to pee too.

2) Using the men’s bathroom because the line for the women’s bathroom is too long, is a norm

3) Finding a free outlet is a privilege

4) Having 2 showers in one day (rain not included) is non-existent

5) Sleeping on a bed brings joy to your heart

6) You know who to stay away from because they snore…..you still end up hearing them though…but not as loudly

7) For the first 7 – 14 days, you sleep through every Sermon.

8) If Mass was in Spanish, regardless of the day, you sleep through it.

9) Walking with a small group of pple is weird…you feel as if something is missing

10) What’s for breakfast? Bread and coffee

What’s for lunch? Bread and pop

What’s for dinner? Bread and pop

11) Everyday you see someone you never saw before (that includes the 30th day)

12) You don’t mind lending your soap to someone because their’s finished

13) You don’t mind asking someone to borrow their soap because your’s finished

14) What’s a refrigerator again?

15) You’re so tanned, you almost look purple

16) There’s no such thing as Monday, Tuesday,….., Sunday. There’s only yesterday, today and tomorrow

17) Sleeping outside is no big deal. If it rains, whatever.

18) There are 6 buses and Bus 3 IS THE BEST!!!!!

 

Love,

Lee

 

In the picture below, Ange and I are sitting on our sleeping bags, sharing a rain jacket and sheltering under my half-broken umbrella. We were happy regardless of all of that (because we’re awesome…duhhh)!!!

Why Ask?

I went to Subway a few days ago and gave my order. The attendant asked, “What type of bread do you want?” I said Italian Herbs and Cheese. She then said, “We only have Parmesan.”

Has that  ever happened to any of you? They ask you what type of bread you want as if they have more than one available? 

The Window Seat Isn’t Always The Best

Ange and I took the Finch bus home yesterday evening. Let me just say this before I continue….that bus is SKETCH!!!! The weirdest people take that bus (not us of course) and every time Ange and I are on that bus together, something out of the ordinary happens.

We got on the bus and a lady sat next to me before I can try to save the seat for Ange, so Ange sat on the other side next to some dude. About 1 minute after, another lady came onto the bus and told the lady next to me to move around but there were only two seats in the row and I was in the other seat! Apparently they knew each other from somewhere so the lady next to me moved around and gave her friend a space. I could not believe it. On the other side of me was the window so for three quarters of the bus ride, I was forced up against the window while the two ladies sat comfortably and chatted away.

So don’t always rush for the window seat on a bus. You never know what can happen. And plus, you can stretch your legs out if you sit in an aisle seat 😀

 

Love,

Lee

Don’t Be Partial….OR ELSE!!!!

Last Monday, Ange and I learnt in a study of the Book of James (that’s in the Bible for those who don’t know) that we must not be partial….meaning we must treat everyone the same and we should not judge…or something like that. About 5 mins after the class had ended, I stood in front of the fourth floor window and said, “Ange, let’s look at people!” I had obviously forgotten the whole point of the class (Sorry Joe!!!). I was, however, quickly reprimanded by Ange. “Don’t be partial!!!!”

If I had forgotten to ‘be nice’ after 5 mins of the class, then there was no way I could have remembered that this morning (5 days after) as I was heading for the ATM. I needed to make a deposit and as I was approaching the ATM, I saw this 5 year old Asian boy (he was probably Vietnamese  (I got that spelling right the first try :-D), but you know….they all almost look the same). The boy was pushing the flap of one of the dirtiest bins I have ever seen and he was sticking his head inside of it! I immediately thought, Where are his parents? They have no control over this boy? What he is doing is not cleanly! Anyways, I got to the ATM and noticed that people left envelopes on the ground and they were a bit dirty and the ground was just disgusting!!!! It was a mess! I shook my head and thought, Hmph…..these people today!!!!

I put my card in and pressed all the right buttons and whatnot. I reached the part where I had to put my envelope in the slot….but the slot that I was supposed to get the envelope from didn’t open. I started panicking a little. Do I cancel everything and try again? What to do!?!?!?!? While thinking about what I should do, I looked down and saw the dirty envelope on the disgusting ground. *sigh. What did I do?  I humbled myself, picked up the envelope and used it. Karma is a…u know!!! That wasn’t the end of it though! On my way home, I dragged my grocery cart through a little over 100 metres of Goose poop. *shakes my head*

Don’t be partial people! The consequences aren’t worth it! Especially if there are people watching and a lot of cars passing!

Love, Lee

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